


Seraphic

by paradisedise



Series: Won't Settle For No Less [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 18:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10996191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisedise/pseuds/paradisedise
Summary: "I started thinking about before, when I was bad, and how hard it would be without you.  You make me so happy, I can’t lose you."





	Seraphic

**Author's Note:**

> warning for implied self harm!

The world outside the living room window was peaceful in the way that was unique to winter. Snow fell, each flake settling on top of each other to form a beautiful, pristine landscape. The sun had set already and the air was cold. Jaehyun was watching as the night sky was adorned by flurrying snow, the forecast predicting almost a foot of snow by morning. He almost wanted to go outside, feel the cold, let his muscles and skin go numb. He always liked the feeling of being uncomfortable, physically. Maybe that was why he had chosen to have needles inject ink into his skin and to pierce countless holes through his body. He knew that it wasn’t healthy, but he craved suffering when he was alone. Shivering, Jaehyun reached for his phone, unlocking it and checking his texts for the hundredth time that night. The two of them liked to keep the temperature in their apartment down, favoring blankets and sweaters instead of high electric bills. The screen was blinding in the dark of the room--still nothing. 

Blood was pumping rapidly through Jaehyun’s veins, spreading bitter anxiety as he watched the minutes go by. Fridays meant that Jaehyun worked the first shift at the shop, letting him be home before dark. Taeyong always had a meeting on Friday nights, but he was usually home before dinner. Tonight, though, the sun had set and Jaehyun was still alone in their small apartment. When Jaehyun was alone, his mind had a terrible tendency to race, outlining the worst possible outcome for any scenario. Right now, it was Taeyong leaving work, getting in the car, crashing because of the weather, the monitor at the hospital flatlining, and Jaehyun being left very, very alone. His stomach was starting to hurt as he thought about a life without Taeyong, a life without the person who he loved beyond words. Taeyong told him once that Jaehyun’s first impression on people was aloof, uninterested. Jaehyun wanted to disagree. He was just shy, nervous all the time. Right now was no exception. He could hear the wind outside and his stomach dropped even farther down. 

It felt like an eternity had already passed. Jaehyun had texted him a few times, asking when he would be home. It had been a few hours passed when Taeyong normally came home. Why wouldn’t he text back? Or call? Something had to be seriously wrong for Taeyong to ignore Jaehyun. If Taeyong came home right now he would probably scold Jaehyun for sitting in the dark (“I swear, it’s like you want to live in a cave,” he would chide). Jaehyun couldn’t help it, not when he was so scared that he didn’t know what to do besides sit, eerily still. If Taeyong didn’t come home, maybe he could just sit here forever, until he disappeared, leaving no traces of himself. He would like that. His phone made a noise and Jaehyun was snapped out of his reverie, hope blooming in his chest. His heart squeezed painfully when he saw that it was just an email, some stupid newsletter that he forgot to unsubscribe from. He slipped back into apprehensive thought, body starting to shake and mind starting to cloud. Jaehyun couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t see or even feel the couch he was sitting on. There wasn’t a point anyway. 

The unmistakable sound of their door opening and a familiar voice woke Jaehyun up and he shot up from his seat, running to the door. 

“Jaehyun?” Taeyong said, probably concerned that the taller was racing towards him. He was holding take out from Jaehyun’s favorite restaurant. He dropped the bags as Jaehyun took him into a suffocatingly tight hug, one hand wrapped tight around his waist and the other cradling the back of his head. Taeyong tensed and then relaxed in Jaehyun’s grip, letting himself be held. 

“I was so scared, I was so scared Taeyong. Where were you?” 

Taeyong sighed, palms ghosting over Jaehyun’s shoulder blades. “I’m sorry, baby. My meeting went long and then I wanted to grab dinner, but traffic was bad because of the weather. I wanted to call you but my phone died and I forgot my charger at work,” he breathed, Jaehyun’s trembling frame breaking his heart. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“I thought something bad happened, with the snow or something,” Jaehyun whispered, quietly like it was too painful to say. 

“Nothing happened, don’t worry.” 

“I just want you to be safe,” Jaehyun said, Taeyong’s heart twisting in his chest. 

“I’m safe now, don’t worry.” In your arms, Taeyong wanted to add. Instead he let Jaehyun hold him, knowing that this was what he needed right now. “I love you, Jaehyun.” 

“I love you too, Taeyong, so much.” 

Taeyong pulled him gently back into the living room, sitting him down and getting plates and utensils ready for their makeshift dinner. Taeyong knew that Jaehyun’s tummy was probably upset from how anxious he was, but Taeyong tried to talk him down. He told him about his day, what the kids were learning about in school, funny things that had happened. One kid asked about Jaehyun, requesting for Taeyong to bring him back for show and tell sometime. Jaehyun smiled at that, small but genuine. Not without coaxing Jaehyun started to eat and Taeyong was satisfied. The taller talked about his day too, the stories clients came in with for why they wanted a tattoo, the significance behind the art on their skin. Seeing Jaehyun talk like this made Taeyong smile. He talked about how amazing it was that each person who came into the shop had a story, and they entrusted Jaehyun to tell that story through art ornamented in their flesh. The wistful look in his eyes, that faraway gleam that Taeyong fell for returned and Taeyong smiled. After they had finished eating, they laid on the couch for a little while. The two of them never ran out of things to talk about. They learned new things about each other every day, little stories that explained nuances in each of them. They could talk about anything and nothing and never be bored. Talking to Jaehyun made Taeyong fall in love with him even more. 

“I’m a little sleepy,” Taeyong mumbled, head resting on the firm planes of Jaehyun’s chest. He was so comfortable there, cheek resting against Jaehyun’s heartbeat with his love’s arms around him. Jaehyun felt warm, and it wasn’t just from body heat or the fluffy blanket covering them. “Can we take a bath?”

A bath sounded lovely, Jaehyun thought. When Taeyong had moved into Jaehyun’s apartment with him, he gushed over the bathtub, saying he always wished he had one. Jaehyun didn’t understand why it was so special, until they got in it together. He pressed a kiss to the smaller’s crown, breathing in the faint scent of his shampoo. Taeyong got up and padded into the bathroom, Jaehyun close behind. He started the faucet and took his clothes off unceremoniously, comfortable. Jaehyun hugged him from behind, resting his chin on the other’s shoulder. Taeyong chuckled, shoulders shaking. “Careful, or the water will overflow.” 

He was right, the tub was full enough when he glanced down at it. Jaehyun undressed quickly, not bothering to fold his clothes like Taeyong did. The older scowled at him, but Jaehyun knew that there was no bite to it. The taller got in first, dunking his head under right away and pushing the wet hair off of his forehead. Taeyong was still standing in the middle of the bathroom on the tile, looking down at Jaehyun. “Are you going to get in?” 

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I was just looking at you,” Taeyong said with a small smile on his face. Jaehyun blushed, still shy. Taeyong slid into the tub, straddling Jaehyun. The water was warm and Jaehyun savored the feeling of their skin touching, leaning to kiss Taeyong on the nose. The smaller grinned and Jaehyun kissed him again, bringing strong arms around his torso. Taeyong gripped Jaehyun’s shoulders, letting himself be held. Biting gently at his lips, Taeyong kissed Jaehyun deeper, licking into his mouth and tasting him. Jaehyun often thought about how wonderful their relationship was, how lucky he was to be with someone like Taeyong. They were so lovely together, so beautiful. Taeyong made Jaehyun happy beyond words. Jaehyun kissed Taeyong a little harder, squeezing around his waist. 

“You know, I think I want another tattoo,” Taeyong pulled away and murmured, resting his forehead on Jaehyun’s. 

“Oh yeah? Of what?” 

“Your face, on my asscheek.” 

Taeyong giggled when Jaehyun splashed him, throwing water back at him. Puddles were forming on the bathroom floor but they couldn’t be bothered, it was the weekend and they could clean up later. “I’m sorry I just want your face on my ass forever! That’s just how much you mean to me.” 

“I’m so flattered, baby.” Jaehyun pecked him on the cheek. “Will you wash my hair?”

A soft smile spread on Taeyong’s face. Jaehyun loved being pampered, especially by Taeyong. The older was happy to coddle him, he would do anything to see that heartbreaking smile and those gorgeous dimples. Taeyong grabbed the shampoo and began running his fingers through the other’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. Jaehyun closed his eyes, looking relaxed and Taeyong was so happy that he was feeling a little better. He knew that Jaehyun still had a hard time sometimes. He got himself worked up from time to time, letting his thoughts fall into a negative smile where it was hard to drag him out. Taeyong felt lucky to have come home when he did, knowing that it could have been worse. Jaehyun and Taeyong were both a mess sometimes, they took turns breaking down but accordingly took turns rebuilding each other. The two of them finished up their bath and got out of the tub. Jaehyun messed up Taeyong’s hair with one of their fluffy towels, looking down at his pouting face. 

“You know, if you keep doing that I'm gonna have to kiss that pout off your lips.”

Taeyong stuck out his lower lip more. “Why don’t you do it then?” 

Jaehyun shook his head and kissed Taeyong, firmly on the lips. Taeyong kissed back right away, dropping whatever towel he was holding around himself for Jaehyun’s solid torso instead. The younger held his face, hands sliding down to rest on his shoulders. Taeyong could feel him breathing and he swore he could hear the thumping heartbeat in his chest speed up. He stepped back towards the door, pouting again. 

“I think you’re doing that on purpose now,” Jaehyun mused, following Taeyong to the bedroom. Their bedroom was large and Jaehyun took his time decorating it, adding a soft blue to the wall and fluffy white bedding. It was their favorite place, their little slice of heaven and Jaehyun wanted it to be as cozy as possible. Their bed had way too many pillows and blankets but he loved it. The snow was piling up outside their window and Jaehyun figured it would be a perfect weekend to get in bed and never get out. Taeyong agreed, based on the way he dove into the bed and snuggled up in the pillows. He looked so tiny and perfect like that, Jaehyun thought. Taeyong was his miracle. Wanting to be as close to him as possible, the taller climbed into the bed, caging him in his arms and looked down at him. 

Taeyong’s eyes were so pretty. They were big, doe like and he had a scar underneath one of them. Taeyong didn't like it so much but Jaehyun did, always kissing it and telling him how pretty it was. Knowing exactly how to push Jaehyun’s buttons, Taeyong pouted, mischievousness glinting in his eyes. Jaehyun sighed, shutting his eyes. 

“You leave me no choi-”

Before he could finish Taeyong pulled him down for a kiss, wasting no time to deepen it and light a fire in Jaehyun’s gut. Taeyong sighed into his lips and Jaehyun swore it was the prettiest noise he had ever heard. 

“Baby, please, will you?” Taeyong whispered against his lips, pulling him closer. Jaehyun kissed him hard before reaching into the bedside drawer for lube. They were already both unclothed from their bath so Jaehyun wasted no time prepping Taeyong. He slipped a slick finger in, relishing the way Taeyong’s eyes fluttered shut and his breath shakily left his lungs. These were Jaehyun’s favorite moments, the times when Taeyong was underneath him vulnerable and breathless. He was always so soft but the way he gripped the sheets wasn’t. His brow was furrowed and his lips were parted and Jaehyun couldn’t help but kiss him as he worked him open. As Jaehyun added more fingers the whimpers coming from Taeyong were louder. Sweat was beading on his brow when Taeyong gripped Jaehyun’s wrist.

“Please, please that’s enough,” he begged. Jaehyun kissed him sweetly, letting himself feel the warmth and the energy between them. He let his hands run up Taeyong’s sides, fingers running over the ridges of his ribs. The breaths from the man under him were erratic and he kissed back desperately, hands gripping Jaehyun’s shoulders. Jaehyun opened his eyes and god, Taeyong was so beautiful. They hadn’t turned the bedroom lamp on so Taeyong was only visible in the soft glow from the bathroom light. Jaehyun wished he could see Taeyong more clearly but this was wonderful too, high points of his face illuminated and a salacious shadow resting in his eyes. The larger of the two couldn’t wait any longer, wanting so desperately to be even closer. 

After slicking himself up, Jaehyun pressed to Taeyong’s entrance and pushed in. Taeyong whined and no, that was the prettiest noise he had ever heard. Jaehyun would never tire of seeing Taeyong like this, flushed a gorgeous pink and eyes screwed shut. Admiration was burgeoning in his chest as he pulled back and pushed in again, Taeyong gripping desperately at his back. He was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at. Thinking back to when they first met made Jaehyun want to laugh. Never did he think the achingly handsome man who came in late at night for a tattoo would be his one day. He never thought that he could be loved in the way Taeyong loved him, completely for himself and despite all of his faults. What they had was sacred, and Jaehyun could feel it in each silken noise that Taeyong made. 

Jaehyun picked up the pace, losing himself Taeyong’s warmth. The older was completely wrecked, cheeks ruddy and hair haloed against the pillow. Jaehyun kissed him again, swallowing down his moans and hoping he felt as loved as he was. He was convinced that there was no way to show Taeyong how much he felt for him, but he was determined to try. 

“Jaehyun, god, I love you so much.” 

A paroxysm of attachment rushed through Jaehyun, threatening to burst out of the seams. He whispered it back to Taeyong, over and over as he kept thrusting into him. Taeyong was so far gone, the tension in his body strong and Jaehyun knew he wanted so badly to cum. He reached down between them, gripping him and pulling him closer to the edge. Jaehyun was helpless for Taeyong, willing to do anything. The telltale signs of Taeyong’s climax were appearing, the grip on Jaehyun’s skin tightening and the arching of his back. Jaehyun stroked him faster until the tension broke and Taeyong released with a breathy moan. 

The tightening around him drove Jaehyun to the precipice, thrusts erratic and ungraceful. Taeyong was looking at him now, an emotion in his eyes that Jaehyun couldn’t quite place. Something intense, like rapturous love. His kissed Taeyong hard, panting into his mouth as he came, waves of sweet pleasure coursing through him. Taeyong’s arms were wrapped around him and Jaehyun collapsed, exhausted and sated. They laid there for some time, spent in each other’s embrace. Taeyong’s lips were pressed to the side of Jaehyun’s face and Jaehyun turned so he could kiss him properly. Taeyong was always sleepy, languid after sex and Jaehyun loved to take care of him. The larger got up to grab a tissue and hit the lights and cleaned up, pulling Taeyong close when he was finished. In the quiet afterglow, Jaehyun’s mind wandered. 

“Baby?”

“Hmm,” Taeyong replied, languorous.

“I was so worried earlier, I was so worried that I had lost you, and that it was my fault. I don’t know what I would have done, it’s so stupid but my head jumped to the worst possible outcome and I wanted to die thinking about it. I started thinking about before, when I was bad, and how hard it would be without you. You make me so happy, Taeyong, I can’t lose you.”

Before Jaehyun could continue Taeyong climbed up to kiss him, soft on the lips. Taeyong grabbed Jaehyun’s wrist lightly, bringing it to his mouth and kissing the his palm. His lips were so so smooth and Jaehyun shivered, watching him. His lips travelled to the delicate skin of Jaehyun’s forearm, ghosting over the ink and the marks of sadness that it covered. Jaehyun wanted to cry with how gentle Taeyong was being. A few tears might have welled in the the corners of his eyes and he closed them, not wanting to let them spill. 

“I’m not going anywhere, okay Jaehyun? Will you look at me?”

Jaehyun opened his eyes, the wetness making his way down his face. He knew Taeyong would never judge him for crying, but he hated himself for being embarrassed anyway. Taeyong’s’ other hand came to wipe away the tears and he pressed a kiss to a particular vibrant flower. Knowing what was underneath it hurt Taeyong so bad but it hurt Jaehyun worse. It hurt so bad to know that once upon a time Jaehyun was so stiflingly sad and in pain and Taeyong wasn’t there, wasn’t there to hold him or wipe away his tears. He was here now, though, and he prayed that was enough. 

“I’m going to stay here, by your side, forever. I mean it, Jaehyun. You can’t get rid of me, okay? I love you so much.” 

“I love you too, Taeyong,” Jaehyun sniffed. “I’m so lucky to have you.” 

Taeyong smiled, and Jaehyun held him so the smaller’s cheek was resting on his chest. They were content there, broken and complicated, but inexplicably happy. Despite everything, all of their fears and heartaches, they were happy. As long as they were together, that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao im so lonely
> 
> what do y'all want next in this au???


End file.
